Sweet Musings

I so love to hear my little babies snoring.  It's so cute.  I know  it's silly,  I just wanted to remember that though! 

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Psalms 127:3

20 years, what has changed?

A few weeks ago I received a notice from a friend on Facebook that wanted to restructure a group formed a while back for a High School Reunion.  They were reminding everyone that it has been almost 20 years since we were in school.  This was almost impossible for me to believe.  So much has changed in 20 years,  however it truly only feels more like around 5 years to me.

20 years ago I didn't have 5 children or a husband.  I'm so thankful for them.  I'm so glad for everything that has happened in my life that has brought me to this place.  I'm very thankful I can spend more time with my family than lots of other moms out there.  I'm very grateful for a husband that has been given a wonderful job by GOD to support his family with so we can be a Homeschooling family.  I'm thankful that even over the hard times,  Bobby and I have chosen to stay by each other's side to raise these children with,  and continue to grow our family.  I can never imagine my life without all of those little feet around me,  and someone to help me raise them with.  Praise GOD for HIS goodness to my family.  This is a wonderful change in my life over the past 20 years.

Today I ran into an old friend. Probably the best friend that I shared 5 years of my life with when I was in the military.  He probably got to know more about the real me than anyone else in our Company.  However,  after I signed my release papers,  we never kept up with each other.  I walked down to a site today at the Merlefest where the National Guard was set up wanting to recruit.  I had went for information about how a Homeschooler in Wilkes could get involved with the ROTC program if they wanted to.  Low and behold,  the very person that I walked up to to receive some information was my old friend Kris Barnhardt.  Talk about another memory jogging event.  This made me realize how much had changed in my life since I had seen him last.  20 years changes lots of things in a persons life,  this is becoming more and more clear to me.

I remember when I graduating,  they had us to write something down about where we saw ourselves in 20 years.  I have NO idea what I wrote.  I'm sure back then it may have been vain,  fantasies about how rich I would be,  what kind of car I might drive,  or home I might live in.  Of course,  I'm sure I also had some ideas about what kind of husband I would have married and what kind of children I would have.  This time seemed so distant then,  something way out there,  so far out of reach one could hardly even grasp it.  Well,  it's here now brother!  I need to dig that old paper up,  if possible, and see just how silly I was back then!

While I was speaking to my friend today,  I showed him my pictures of my family.  I was thinking to myself about all the things in my life that had happened since I had seen him.  Of course like normal humans,  I wanted to share the things I was most proud of.  (Side note,  I really try and not say that word very much,  but I have to be honest about my feelings.  I am EXTREMELY thankful to GOD for all HE has given me.  I count all of my blessings borrowed and I'm most certainly unworthy of any of them.  Were I left to my own strengths over the last 20 years,  oh me,  where in the world would I have ended up?)  This is why I used the word pride though,  because of course I didn't share with my friend the things that I was not proud of. 

In saying that,  what all is it over the last 20 years I do want to share.  Versus,  what all is it over the last 20 years I wish to never speak of and even would love to pretend it never happened?  What all have I learned in 20 years;  and what all do I really just wish I had never even heard of,  much less said or did?  What all has improved about me;  and what all still needs a lot of working on.

I could most certainly say my appearance has probably not improved.  Well,  lots of it anyway!  LOL!  I have to laugh here,  because if I can't laugh,  well then I'd just wish I could show you what was in my mind right now.  I can think back to that glasses wearing,  braces having,  acne filled face that has a "perm you wished you had never gotten" hair setting on top of it.  Oh my,  wasn't that a site.  I remember Bobby used to say that when I turned 30 he was going to put my 15 year old picture in the paper,  along with my 30 year old picture and say "Thank GOD for what Mary Kay Does, Happy Birthday!"  Yes he is rotten,  but the truth is the truth.  I did look funny then in lots of ways.  Well now I just look funny in lots of other ways!  Seriously,  I was thinking today about all the little lines,  spots,  and bulges that I have now I didn't back then.  Would I trade in my extra pounds and laugh lines for some acne and bad hair?  I think NOT!  However,  even though it's different,  I do still not look like I wished I could look.  I guess I'm definitely the typical female,  that is for sure.

I think about what I was like 20 years ago.  I slightly remember what was important to me.  Which guy could I make notice me?  Which jeans looked best on me?  Which friend was the truest and least likely to stab me in the back?  Where was I going to go for college,  and what was I doing with my life?  These were all thoughts my little 17 year old brain had in it then.  Now I think about the guys I want to notice me, GOD and my husband along with my little boy Seth.  I hardly ever wear jeans anymore,  because I prefer the way my skirts make me look and feel more feminine.  Beside,  some of my jeans do not exactly look the same,  and I'm certain none of the ones from 20 years ago would even fit now!  My friends have all waxed and waned,  drifted and reappeared since then.  Some I am so grateful to still have in my life.   I have many true friends,  however very few who have walked each step of this way with me over these many years.  (I'm so thankful for my Shannon,  I'll never stop loving her and I'm so glad I can depend on her to love me unconditionally.)  I'm grateful for all of the new friends I have too,  and I'm most certainly glad that I have several that are in my circle of trust!  What have I done with my life?  Well I can say college prepared me a little,  but I didn't get my degree in Homeschool Teaching,  or Mommy Philosophy,  or even in Domestic Engineering by any means.  So I can't say that what I started out as is at all where I have ended up.

I do hope that somethings have changed for the good.  I know I have gained some weight,  but I do believe my heart weighs much more,  so that must account for something right?  I know that my heart has grown and grown for my husband Bobby.  Although at times I feel as though I could strangle him,  I do know that I love him much more now in many ways than I did 16 years ago!  I know that each time I had another child,  my heart grew in a way I never thought it could.  I remember always feeling worried each time I had a baby; how could I love this new one in my tummy as much as I loved the one in my arms?  But somehow,  each time GOD miraculously grew my heart more and more.  I know that I'm a much more compassionate person now,  and I'm glad for that extra weight.  Watching the hurts of others and even enduring hurts of my own,  has made me gain more and more space in my heart for those hurting around me.  I have also gained more knowledge in my brain too.  I'm grateful that I have gained more and more understanding of the ONE that loved me enough to die for me!

Although my bottom is not something I can say I've lost weight in,  I am grateful though for the things I have lost,  or are still trying to lose a little at a time.  I'm thankful for that special song I used to sing when I was little, and now my Rosie sings it.  "He's still working on me"  I'm glad that HE is still working on this gal,  that is for sure.  HE is bringing me along in HIS vineyard,  pruning away things from me that don't meet HIS standards.  HE pulls out the doubt and replaces it with hope.  HE takes away the anger,  bitterness,  and resentment,  and replaces it with love,  forgiveness, and longsuffering.  HE helps me trim back that temper,  and gives me more humility.  I'm so thankful for the things that he has helped me to lose,  and pray daily for the things I wish I could still lose.  The one thing that I'm probably the most grateful to have lost though is Guilt.  I'm so thankful he Replaced that Guilt with REDEMPTION!

GOD has most certainly been good to me.  There is so much I could have done differently over the last 20 years,  however if I had done it differently,  would I be where I am now?  Probably not!    I can say that aside from junk I'd love to still lose about me,  I don't want to lose Anything else HE has put into my life in the past 20 years! Praise Jehovah-Jireh, my provider! 

May GOD bless you as you reflect on the past and press forward into the future!  
Hear, O my son, and receive my sayings; and the years of thy life shall be many. Proverbs 4:10

We forget

We forget all too easy just how blessed we are! I saw something that saddened me tonight and reminded me just how much we take for granted. I thought about all the things we so easily forget. We forget how blessed we are that we have all of our family around. We remember this when we see a friend lose someone they love. We forget just how blessed we are to have healthy family. We remember when someone we know is diagnosed with Cancer. We forget just how beautiful the flowers really are. We remember when it's in the 3rd month of the coldest Winter for our area on record. We forget just how beautiful the snow is. We remember when never see a single flake during December or January.

We are a very forgetful people aren't we. I wonder if our forgetfulness is due to our discontent, or if our discontent is due to our forgetfulness? Either way, both are bad aren't they. People forget how much they love their spouses, and they say they are out of love. They act as though this is a normal thing, as if love is something you can just fall out of. Why are we so intent on being discontent? Why is that we get in a rut, and then we use that rut as the very reason we are unhappy? Why is discontent so easy to grow? It's like a seed from a weed of a plant that starts small and then grows upward chocking the life out of all the good that surrounds it. It takes over the area and pulls all the good out of the environment so that the thing that really needs the nutrients starves.

Whatever it is that breads discontent, I can't put my finger on it exactly. However, I'm certain that it must begin with covetousness. There is always a price to pay for breaking commandments isn't there? We are not supposed to covet, yet it seems that the society is bent towards it in every direction we look. You must need a new car right, because look how fine this one I'm showing you in this commercial is. You must need a new coat, because after all, that was last years style, this year it has changed. You must need a new wife, because after all the stars trade them in like shoes, the soap-operas all show that you can, and even the high-schoolers are learning early on to switch partners as often as you "get tired" of the old one. We feed and feed that old sin of covetousness, and you really think it will not grow? I remember my Great-Grandmother never allowed a TV to be in her home as long as she lived. She called them Covet boxes! Hah, how silly can you imagine? Well I can, and now it doesn't seem so silly at all to want to guard yourself.

I want to guard my children from discontent. I want to guard them from unnecessary hurts. So it makes since that I would remind them doesn't it. It makes sense that I need to make them more aware of remembering what is wrong and doing what is right. I need to remind them. I really need to remind me more, so that I can remember to remind them. I need to teach them through scripture all the examples or bad things happening to those who forgot. Those who forgot to do exactly what GOD said instead of hitting that rock again. Those who needed to remember GOD's commandment instead of breaking it by watching that lady bathe on the other roof top. I need to remind them to think of following those in authority around us and not turning back lest we become dried up like that pillar of salt. There are so many things we need to remember, but so often we forget.

I pray that I can remember more that HE wants me to. I pray that I can think more about the good, than I can the bad. (Philippians 4:8) I pray that GOD will help me to not forget all the Good in my life, before something bad reminds me instead.

I do hope you remember all the good HE has for you today.

Wanting to seek HIM More,
DeAnna

What does the Bible really say?

Tonight I tried to look up something that I thought was in the Bible. I have heard it over and over again. The people who have said it were Preachers, Teachers, and others that I greatly admired who I felt like were well versed in GOD's word. It was the saying, GOD is a GOD of Order. I couldn't find it though. I will continue to look for it, I'm sure there is something in there similar, however I didn't find that phrase anywhere. It's late and I need to be in bed getting rested for church tomorrow, so I don't have time to type this post now. Yet I have a few things to share that I've always "heard" but when I tried to research them on my own, I couldn't find them anywhere in GOD's Word. I'll list the things later, but for now I wanted to get this post started so I wouldn't forget my thought later.

What are you saving?

Daylight Saving Time, what an interesting concept. To think that we can add more time to our day simply by manipulating the clocks. I must admit, although it's not easy to make those adjustments, I do like have extra daylight in the evenings to be able to accomplish tasks in the Spring and Summer. I'm not sure that we are truly saving time, perhaps it might be easier if we we had the same time all of the time. However, the powers that be have chosen to "save" us time, so save we will.

When we changed out clocks back this weekend, it made me think about savings. What am I saving? I spoke to a friend the other day about savings. Her husband lost his job this past summer suddenly. They were without income for a few months, and only now have a part time position to help pay their full time family's bills. They had a savings built up when this occurred, enabling them to save their home from foreclosure, and other financial dire straights that could have been forced upon them otherwise. Their savings was something they both brought a significant amount into the marriage, and maintained that if at all possible. I believe I was told they had 3 months of her husbands salary in savings when he lost his job, and had tried to keep that in savings at all times prior to the job loss. What an amazing savings account. How wonderful that GOD used their savings to protect their family! I pray that my husband and I can start building more of a savings account and have it for times that we may need it down the road.

However, this is not the kind of savings I'm talking about. I do believe in saving money, but we are not to be concerned about our worldly treasures are we? Matthew 6:19 - 21 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

I have been trying to save myself lots of things lately. I'm trying to save myself time. You know I'm always losing time, or I feel like I'm wasting time. I am trying to become more organized so that I can spend my minutes and hours doing more of what I like, and less of what I just have to. I want to be more orderly, for GOD likes order right? I tried to look that up and I couldn't find anything that said anything similar to that in the Bible.

Okay, now this is a rabbit trail. I'm going to make another post about this.

For now, I want to say I'm trying to save money too. Like all moms, I try to save money however I can, cheaper makeup, cheaper groceries, cheaper gas, and so on, and so on. Well, there is something that I have come to realize about money. You will spend as much as you have. Yes there are the moms like the mom above I had spoken of that save lots of money, and that is good. However, saving money is not where it's all at either. After-all, if we trust GOD like we should, should we not then know that HE will supply all of our needs, even the monetary ones that we have.

We work and work to save things, but what should we really be saving. Saving scriptures in our hearts is one. Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee. Psalms 119: 11 We need to save the Word of GOD because it is the only True guide we have in life. We can't rely on anything else to give us the Wisdom that it offers. Buy the truth, and sell it not; also wisdom, and instruction, and understanding. Proverbs 23:23

Saving souls is the most important thing isn't it. But we can't do that. We can lead others to the True LOVE in the One Way to GOD, the only way to provide salvation for a soul.

Saving is a very important thing, how much more can I work to save the things that are important to HIM?

Things I want to remember...

One of the biggest reasons I wanted to write a blog was so that my children could have something to look back on one day and remember all the little things that went on in our family. I wanted to use this sorta like a journal, or a type of log, so that my daughter's especially could know many of the thoughts I had when I was raising them. I want them to be able to read my struggles, needs and desires as a mom. I believe if they can understand more about me at this time in my life, it will help them one day to understand themselves more when they are moms too, and not feel alone in their journey.









I think about lots of things I'd like to be able to record. I have even considered purchasing a voice recorder so I could keep up with my thoughts as I thought them and not forget things that are important. The only thing about a recorder is that I would then have to take more time out later and listen to the information, then type it up if I need to. This will take more time than I'm able to spare at this point in my life. I can always think of laundry that needs to be cleaned, dishes that need to be washed, and babies that need to be played with. Taking time out to even write this blog feels like more time than I should be giving at times. Hopefully though, before I'm too old to appreciate it, they will make a truly easy ap that I can use on an ipod to record my thoughts down, and while I'm talking, it would be typing for me. It could go send an email, save a draft in a blog, or update my facebook site or pinterest with the latest cool thing I just found, all while I'm driving down the road. Scratch that, by then I should be able to have the hover car on the Satellite directed auto pilot and be in the back braiding the baby's hair while we are riding to the super market. Now that will be the day!









For now though, I must wait until I remember something I saw that made me have a great thought to put in my blog. Then I must wait until I have 20 minutes to type it up in the computer after the kids are in the bed, and hope that I haven't forgotten what it was that I thought about remembering forever in my blog anyway.









Seriously, the other day I saw something at church that made me think of something I wanted to remember. Jocelyn ran to the front of church a little early for the junior choir to sing. The little kids always come up during the last verse of the song that is being sang while offering is being taken up. The children usually wait for the leader to step out and then they know it's time to go to the front. Jocelyn got excited and ran to the front early. She ran ahead of her mom and I could see the look of concern on Wendy's face when she was trying to decide whether or not to just let her stand up there alone, or if she needed to get her to come back down and wait. There was a pause for just a few seconds, and then all the sudden little Emily came barrelling down out of the choir loft and went to join Jocelyn's side. After that, all the rest of the kids started coming up to join both of the girls and waited until it was time for them to start singing.









This made me think about something, I thought about how little Jocelyn had made a mistake. This mistake could have been very embarrassing for her. She had good intentions, but she was not supposed to come up early. Standing up their by herself could have caused her to have never wanted to come up and sing with the little kids again. Little kids are very resilient, however they can be easily hurt too. I've seen little kids become embarrassed one time at church and then never get over it. It could have been a horrible situation that made little Jocy run away crying all the way back up the isle to her mom. Emily could have easily started snickering at Jocelyn for her mistake. However, seeing a friend in need, little Emily did the right thing by running to her friend's side.









See, how often do we see another Sister or Brother in the LORD fall and what do we do? Do we laugh at them? Do we judge them for the predicament they are in? Do we think to ourselves, I'd never do something that dumb, what were they thinking? How much more love can we show to our fellow Christians if we pause for a moment when we see them fall, and instead of judging, we offer to stand with them? If someone makes a mistake, should we separate ourself from them, or should we take that one opportunity to reach out or down to a Bother or Sister, and help pull them out of the hole that sin created in their life? How much like Jesus can we be when we are showing HIS love to others who have fallen?





I love how we often learn little lessons through children that GOD wants us to be like. Perhaps this is some of what He meant when He said Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3 Perhaps that was not the meaning of that particular verse, but thinking of how loving and quick to forgive children usually are, makes me think more about how GOD wants me to be. It makes me think, what do I need to do the next time my friend makes a mistake? Will I run to their side, so they don't feel alone, or will I stand back and wonder what they were thinking for getting themselves into that mess to begin with? Will I be like a child and simply help my friend? Will I use what may be the greatest opportunity I will ever have with them to show them the love of GOD through forgiveness and compassion?





The older I am getting, there are more and more things that I am figuring out don't really mean very much. However, there are a few things that seem to mean everything; Love, forgiveness, & compassion. These things mean much more than changing the order of the service by going forward at the wrong time. I pray that when the sum of my life is added, that I am remembered for these things.





A line from a poem that I pray can be said of me "Twas her thinking of others, that made you think of her." Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. Philippians 2:4

So much for on time!

I am late lots of the time. Actually, I'm more often late than I am on time. I've probably only been early 2 or 3 times in the past year for anything. I really do try not to be late, but I still am. I was born 3 weeks late, and I guess I've been trying to catch up ever since. I mention all of this to explain what may have been the issue with my last post. I posted about Lent a couple of days after Ash Wednesday, however, for some reason, I really didn't post it. It ended up as a draft, and when I came back to write again today, I found it still waiting to be published. Hah, figures, that's just like me. Now even my blog is late!

Today I wanted to write on a more serious note though. I had just read a little more about a report from the Pittman Family House Fire. The Pittman Family is from somewhere near Onslow, NC. The are a homeschool family, and have 8 children. They had a house fire last week and it took the lives of 3 of their children.

I can't begin to say how much hurt I have in my heart for a family that I don't even know. I had a friend that I graduated highschool with to lose a son last year. He had battled cancer in his brain for about 1 1/2 years and although I'm sure they still hurt daily, I can imagine that they are grateful with the time they had with him after the diagnosis. I'm sure they were glad to be able to have time to say goodbye and to do some fun memorable things with Noah prior to him going home to live with Jesus. I remembered how sad I felt for Richard and Billie and even just today I thought of her months later and knew how much she must still be missing holding her little boy. This family though lost 3 at one time, how much more could that be effecting their lives.

I imagine they all may have prayed together, hugged each other, and gave a kiss good-night and went to bed thinking of all they had to do that next day. I can't imagine the panic that set in with all of the family once they woke to a smoke filled home and begin to struggle though the fire trying to save their and their family's lives. They believe the oldest of the 3 children that died was attempting to rescue the two younger siblings that died with that child too. My goodness how brave that child must have been in their last moments. How glorious to have suddenly entered Heaven with her two brother's at her side to play with her, happy and joyous forever more. Although, this was not at all the outcome that the family would have had for that next morning, I'm so glad to know that Tabitha, Elijah, and Gabriel Pittman will never suffer again. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. Revelation 21:4

It does not feel so joyous for those we leave behind does it. The hurt all of this family feels must be so big. I know that GOD is bigger than any hurt, but I pray I never know the hurt this family is feeling now. To have never had the chance to say good-bye once more, to give one more hug, to give one more good night kiss; my goodness how much their arms and souls must ache for that one more time. I pray that the family will all accept the comfort that GOD is providing for them now. I pray they don't become bitter, and that they truly lean on HIM now and know a peace that passes all understanding. (Philippians 4:7)

I love watching 19 kids and counting. I think about the loss that Michelle Duggar recently had of her unborn daughter. I have never lost a child, and knowing that she lost 2, I wonder if she feels that loss differently than some may have because she has 19 others to put her arms around, as well as 2 grand-babies now? Is her pain different than that of a mother her lost her first child to a miscarriage and now has 2 more? I wonder how the mother of 8 will feel to suddenly only have 5 to put her arms around once she is back home? Does it somehow hurt less the more children we have? http://vimeo.com/33754101

I don't wish to ever know the answers to these questions. However, I speculate that the pain is as real as they could have ever imagined it. I know that all of those children will be missed emmensely by their parents and their brothers and sisters. May GOD reunite all of the Pittman Family soon and help them to remain close through all of this trial.

I think we need to pray for this family often. I hope we can keep appreciating the Grace that is in our life. I pray that I thank GOD each night when I lay down to have all of my healthy children around me. I pray that I thank GOD each morning I awake for all of my family that slept safely through the night. Life can change so quickly. Bad things do happen to Good people, to GODly people, and those pursing Holiness. I pray I never take for granted how blessed I am. Seeing others hurt and suffer so keeps me mindful of how Good GOD has been to my family.

Today I'm so thankful for my family, my home, and those that have prayed for me. I'm thankful for the ultimate sacrifice that GOD provided, and so grateful that one day Emmanuel (which being interpreted is, God with us. Matthew 1:23) will be in every moment and with my every breath, each day throughout eternity! I'm thankful that although I may not have ever met Tabitha, Elijah, Gabriel or Jubilee here on Earth, one day I will be able to meet them all in Heaven. In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed. 1 Corinthians 15:52

Thank you GOD for Emily, Anna, Rose, Seth & Valie!